Stephanie’s Story

“Growing up I was never taught one singular religion. My religious upbringing consisted of “God is love”, “All religions have truth”, “reincarnation is real”, and “we have spirit guides in the unseen realm”. It was a pretty hippie atmosphere. I remember as a small child always being drawn to the one Children’s Bible that was in my home. It sat upstairs on a small shelf tucked between loads of other books. I can remember sitting and just admiring the pictures and looking at the Jesus character holding the little children.

Even without formal teaching He was always there from the start.

I grew and became a wild child. I left my home at 17 because I was dating a man who was much older than I. My parents told me shape up or ship out and I chose to leave. This decision led me into years of trafficking, homelessness, and despair. There were a few years I improved, only to fall apart again and turn to a world of chaos. At one point I opted to move to Amarillo, Texas with my half-sister. She spent many hours talking to foreigners on chat rooms, eventually meeting a Jordanian man from the Middle East.  She insisted we would be a good match, and I so I entered the world of online chat. At first, I would tease him and asked how much he would pay me to bring him to America. He insisted that he did not want to come. I was smitten by this foreigner. I always longed for adventure and when troubles got tough for me, it was my nature to run.  I would run from trouble, much like David, Jacob, and other biblical greats. This Jordanian Muslim, with a tantalizing accent and intriguing background, became an adventure. After experiencing much trouble in Amarillo…off I went.

After speaking to him for less than a year I decided to sell my things and travel overseas to Jordan for a visit. In October of 2005, I purchased a one-month ticket. Other than my little sister, no one knew I was leaving.  Off I went into a land and a culture I knew nothing about and a religion that was waiting to proselytize me. At first, his family was welcoming and kind. After a few days his father, oldest brother, a family friend, and himself all drove me to an office where we went in and sat with a man in a funny hat. Speaking loudly in Arabic, with fierce emotions, I sat there completely clueless as to their discussion. The man suddenly said, “You are here to marry, yes?” I was speechless. I did not know what to say. His father had taken my passport for safe keeping, and I feared making him angry!  What if I embarrassed them? So, I said “Yes”. The contract was finished, and we went back to his family home where a loud celebration was happening. I sat alone and wept.

This was not what I thought my marriage would look like. I had a heavy burden of responsibility on me that I could not ignore. It was as if I knew, this is it. I cannot go back; I am married and must stay this way. I did not go back after the month, and I had to call my parents eventually and tell them what I had done. My mother answered the phone and with deep heart break and true sorrow in her voice she simply said, “we love you.” I certainly had an unpredictable adventure in Jordan. Along with marriage, I also converted to Islam. His family would always speak to me about their religion, and I wanted their approval. Because I was a people pleaser, I agreed and converted to the Muslim faith. Again, I knew I had to be all in. So, I learned all about the religion. I learned the prayers and different duaa (requests). I began dressing like traditional Muslim women in the Middle East with jilbab and hijab.

 When Ramadan came, I fasted. During all my immersion in the culture and religion, we also were applying for him to get his visa. I wanted to go home, and I wanted him to come back to America with me.

At the end of Ramadan there is what’s called, a fate night. Sometime in the last ten days Allah comes down to the lowest parts of the Earth and whoever is praying and making duaa and worshipping him and had fasted the entire month he will grant them their requests no matter what they were. My sister-in-law told me about this and insisted I fast the final ten nights. I did and I asked for three things. I asked Allah for a baby girl when we returned to America with blue eyes and blond curly hair and a beautiful heart.  I also asked Allah to help my husband’s visa finish quickly because we had been told it would be two years and I asked Allah to make my father religious and understanding of the true God. At the end of the ten nights, I got a phone call from the embassy saying his visa appointment had been moved to the next week. I was in AWE! I was sold on Islam. I knew for a fact it was true. We went to America and within a month I was pregnant. It was a girl, and she was born with blue eyes and blond curly hair and a heart of gold! Along with my child, my father became religious. He had become a Christian which surprised me because I wanted him to become Muslim too.

So here I was sold on Islam because of these mysterious gifts awarded to me. In America he struggled with assimilating into the culture. I found a local mosque to begin seriously learning more about Allah and Islam. Not long after we came to the states, he became abusive and as the time went on the abuse intensified. I sought help from the sheikh at the masjid but was told simply my suffering would be awarded in Jannah. I was directed to teachings that showed me that abuse was simply loving direction and guidance from the husband. I took it and began sinking into a deep depression. I birthed a second child, a son. At times the abuse was so severe that I would leave him for a short time. He would promise to get better and coax me with loving words and I would return. Several times he moved me and the children to Jordan to prevent me from leaving him and allowing some time apart. I filed for divorce twice and pulled out of the divorce twice. Time and time again I left but could not stay gone. I started to become angry with religion and Allah. I did not want this Allah anymore and began questioning everything I started to read. I could not allow myself to keep believing something that insisted that abuse was ok. The rules of Islam were many and I struggled to follow them daily.

How could I ever make it?

I began falling into deep depression and had much despair. I birthed another son and a daughter. Now I had four children to raise.  There was certainly now….no hope for me. I was stuck forever.

My third child had many medical problems starting from 3 months old. I found a few Facebook moms with children who had similar struggles and they became my close friends and confidants. I was so isolated at this point from my family. I did not have any local friends. I valued these Facebook friends and attempted to keep them a secret. One of the moms and I became very close. During one time that I left, I decided to go to Tennessee to my parents’ home. They told me I could come, again, only if it would be the last time that I left him. On my way to Tennessee, I stopped in Alabama to see that friend. We met for the first time in real life, and it was like we were sisters forever. We all stayed overnight with her and she sat with me and shared the hope of Christ. She shared the whole story of Jesus and what He meant to her and what He had done for her in her life. I felt a yearning for this Jesus. I recalled the cartoon pictures in that children’s story book from my childhood and felt like a small child wanting to climb in His lap.

But I couldn’t.

I was a Muslim. Once a Muslim, always a Muslim. I was still married to him, and I could never be Christian and married to him either. I left the next day wanting it so bad but angry that it felt like a tease that I could not have. Leaving Tennessee once again, I went back home to my abuser. That was the worst several months of our lives. He began starving us.  He restricted my access to money. I literally learned how to bake acorns and which weeds were edible for salads.

I had hit my lowest point.

I called my friend secretly crying how angry I was and how I wanted so badly to be free. She said she would pray for me, and I said “PRAY FOR ME!! HA! Go ahead and pray all you want; God is not real!” Later that night, while in bed, he had left the house and my children were sleeping. I remember hearing “Read 1 Peter”. I wasn’t sure it was in the Bible and I did not want to read it. The impression became louder seemed and more demanding. So, I agreed and opened the Bible. I was shocked by everything I read. It was as if the words were written for me in that moment. I could be a Christian married to a non-Christian and it could work!! The answer as to how! The hope in Christ!! I prayed that night and said “God if this is you speaking to me then this is what I want.  I want you. I want Jesus.” I slept so well and woke the next morning feeling like a dog released from a chain running free for the first time. I had joy and happiness I had never known!!

I hid it from him for a few weeks. He did notice I was happier but other than that, he questioned nothing. I then did something I should not have done. I had one Muslim friend who he had allowed me to have. He had approved her and so she was someone I trusted. I told her that I had apostatized, and she was angry. She said, “What about the children? What about your husband?”  I encouraged her to join me because I knew she was miserable too! She did not. Instead, she went behind my back and told my husband that I had converted to Christianity.

One Friday he went to pray early and he did not return until late. He came in and laid on the couch not speaking to anyone. Then he got up enraged. He demanded I tell him what I was. I knew he wanted me to confess. I just begged him to stay calm and like a voice in my ear told me just be still. So, I sat as he raged, and my children were afraid. He told me “Do you know what that means that I have to do to you?!!?” I knew exactly what that meant. I knew because I knew Islam. The fate of the apostate is death. He gathered his keys told me not to go anywhere and then left. I fled.

I ended up back in Alabama with my friend. I was there 6 weeks hiding before he found us and then I went to Tennessee again with my family. I was there a year and I became involved in a local church. The church had many rules. Women wear dresses or long skirts, do not cut your hair, no tv, no sports, ask the pastor before you do anything, obey the pastor at all costs, and the list goes on very long. I found it easy for me to fall into this type of church. It was comforting in a way. Islam was very similar. I stayed in the church while we lived in Tennessee. He filed for divorce in Texas and the courts ordered us to return. The church convinced me that I should listen in on the services in Texas because there are not very many churches who speak truth and if I did not go to one of them, I would lose my salvation. So, I stayed a single mom of 4 kids with no support group in Texas and not allowed to seek a support group in a church local to me. I got angry again. I got MAD! I said I am done with religion all together. I am DONE! I walked away for a little while. Then, a young mother of a little boy in my daycare class invited me to visit Woodsedge Community Church. At first, I blew her off. Then my oldest daughter really wanted to start attending church again. We began visiting Woodsedge and we enjoyed it. Because it was a long drive from my home, my friend recommended Restoration church. When I went to Restoration I was captivated by the message. The message of breaking chains that seem unbreakable through Christ. The freedom in Christ once we are free of all the chains! It was what I always needed.

One Sunday service, I met a new friend, Bethany, and we talked. I told her that I want this Jesus. I prayed and asked Christ to help me break those chains and free me and allow me to grow in the grace and love of our Lord and Savior!  Today I walk in a confidence of faith and knowing that no matter what comes my way I can remain with Him, and He will get me through. After accepting Christ my whole life changed. It was less about what can I do to WIN God and more about a relationship WITH God and what can I do for God because I love Him. I really enjoyed hearing Joey’s testimony and seeing how Gateway serves people and that is why I felt I wanted to serve with Gateway. It was a desire to serve God by serving people being loved by Gateway, not to win God’s favor but because oh He loves us so.